| it's been awhile. |
[May. 5th, 2004|04:21 pm] |
So this is my first post in what, 2 months? Anyway, this really cool artist guy I found had an interesting little diddy.
"Consider yourself on a high place: the side of a mountain, atop a bridge, the lookout deck of your favorite tall-tall building. On any given night, you may see hundreds of thousands of lights below: street lamps, porchlights, bedroom lamps shining through the windows. Each of these lights could potentially represent anywhere from one to five people. Do the math. Estimate the millions of people represented immediately at your feet.
You will probabably never meet 99.9% of those people."
Made me think I won't meet alot of interesting people, but if I try to meet new people it would be better than not meeting 99.9% of them. Anyway, been thinking about college alot. Right now i'm into graphic arts and film and art, and an art college would work for me, since I've always been good at art and the things I end up changing are my styles. I mean, I used to be really into drawing, then I got into film and still kinda am, but I'm more into graphic design. As far as the field I would go into, It would probably be art related, so I think I'll be more comfortable in an art school learning art skills than a regualar college learning math and science and all that jazz. I would be ok if I ended up going to a regualar college, but I'm really set on art being my career path.
Les Mis is coming up, that should be fun to watch. I'm starting a web hosting company which we hope will earn more than a regualar job. |
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| A day in the life of...Matt. |
[Mar. 28th, 2004|07:36 pm] |
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Hm...so my day. I quit drinking milk and eating sweets and working out more cause I think i'm fat. I woke up about 10:30 and had a waffle, had my dad review and edit my essay a couple times. Then I took a nap for 3 hours until my mom came home; mowed the lawn, ate some top ramen for dinner, worked out, talked with Justin, and now typing this. Man it's hard to tell what's a dream or not anymore. |
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| Waiting.... |
[Mar. 8th, 2004|07:49 pm] |
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Man, the one time you finally want to speak out for something it doesn't go before as you want it. I don't care if my dad's not here, I'll just go ahead. It's probably better with just my mom since she is usually on my side. But damn, why do I have to wait this long?! It's just eating me up inside because I want to tell them. I want to tell them because it's going to change things; change things to the way they should be. I'll probably end up crying in front of her, but I don't care. As long as I tell them. People talk about how they're afraid of change, and I'm another one of them. My hands are shaking so bad I can hardly type, and they know something's wrong. This time I'm going to talk. This time they are going to understand. If this doesn't show the what's going on with me, I don't know what will. But why am I afraid to change? I guess because I'm afraid what they'll do to me, or what they'll think of me. I'm just so damn afraid of them that I can't think. And it's because I hide things from them and don't talk to them that things have turned out this way. It's all my fault, and I've been trying to blame it on my parents, my teachers, never myself. I'm taking responsibility. I'm done with running away from things I'm afraid of. I don't know if I can still do it. I know that I can do it, but why, how? I don't think I can do it. I'm afraid of myself, them. Why are things seeming so bad when usually they turn out better? I think so negatively all the time. Why? Why can't I just sit down and convince myself that I can do anything I want? WHy!? Why are all these things going through my head when I shouldn't be worried about wny of them? I just wis I could settle down, have someone here to talk with. I'm typing so crazily I can't feel much. I'm just typing what I'm thinking, and I'm sorry if it's weird to anyone who's reading this. I feel like I'm going to explose, like I can't hold it in. I need to get it out. NOW. |
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| I feel like crap and I cannot lie.... |
[Mar. 2nd, 2004|10:23 pm] |
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You're getting ready to being thrown into the raging fires of hell, and you have a chance to get out of it. IF YOU TRY TO BRING YOUR GRADES UP. If that's what it takes, I have to at least fricken try. Don't want to give up, cause then I'm just a loser. I want to run away, but it's not going to solve anything, and in all retrospect, it'll make things worse. I mean, I want to do what everybody does and that's just sweeping away ALL your problems and letting go. Too bad it's real life, and we have to deal with problems. Unfortunatly while I want to blame other people for my condition it's utterly my fault. Lying bites you in the ass later, and if thise is one of those life lessons, it's now. I just have a bunch over my head. Grades, parents, social life(which ties into grades and parents), my old relationship came up today, and geez that last one I just didn't want. But then I realized I'd been running away from it for a long time. You lie to get around stuff, and thing is, I don't want to run away from crap anymore. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 27th, 2004|09:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  naughty | ] |
tra la la la la la la...
let's go skipping!!! o yeah. radiohead's kewl.
all I want is leporprint underwear. yummy!!! and then i want to EAT it!!!
YUMMMOOOO!!!!! eatable underwear!!!
get a pen, and stick it up your pooper. cuz you are a... big... stupid head... pooper face.
get low get low!!!
look at your pants! ooops! they're not there!! because i stuffed them in my mouth! and ATE THEM!!!
sha la la la la la bumba!!!
you bimbo!! hooker whore!!!
mmmMMMMmmmm i love oreo's. [garggling mouth]
i'm a monkey. come and kick my face off. |
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| Enigma |
[Jan. 27th, 2004|05:11 pm] |
I feel like i'm lost. Stuck in a state of confusion. What do I do? All I know is that everything will be fine, no matter what. Things turn out that way, and I figure right now the best thing to do is to go on what I do, and settle for nothing less than what I think I should be.
////You always have hope. |
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| why aRe we sO violeNt? |
[Jan. 25th, 2004|01:06 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  refreshed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Yo Yo Ma - Chega de Saudade | ] |
:\C'mon people; why the hell is everybody pissed off? Finals are done, we start a new semester, and you're all off missing it. I could be wrong, it could be a terrible tradgedy. But, this weekend sucks. No friends here on the weekend, damnit. It's a 3-day weekend, and I got one going to a tolo, two skiing, one going to a wedding, and one practicing with his band. And then there's me, sitting at home, occasionally going out of the house. You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I hate driving. I mean sure, it gives you *ooh* freedom and *ooh* control, but not when your parents are in the friggen car! It defeats the whole purpose of having a car. So now its going to take therapy and stuff later on to get me less stressed out about driving. Hopefully not. One good thing happened this weekend, though! Yeah, got a grand-spanking new idea for a movie. Not really original or anything, but it'll showcase starbucks. I was happening to listen to a brazilian song, Chega de Saudade, on a starbucks promoted cd; you know the ones they sell in their shops. Anyway, it'll be just that song being the audio, and following the day of a business guy. Waking up, starting the car, driving to work, he'll spill the coffee he has for breakfast, then at the end of the day get some starbucks, throw it in the trash, but he can't seem to make it in. It'll look alot better than it sounds, I promise you. As for my other movie stuff, my matrix one will start soon, when i get my props in the mail sometime next week. Other than that i'll need a bunch of equipment cause it'll be like my feature film. You know though, I'm feeling alot more confident than I usually am, thanks to Elizabeth.
\\\\\\You have a whole lifetime to fix what's wrong. |
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| CT wins |
[Jan. 22nd, 2004|04:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Radiohead - A Punch-Up At A Wedding | ] |
Whoo! Finals are over. So, a little time to relax and also time to worry about progress reports. Yeah and it sucks because its gonna be a boring weekend with everyone going skiing and all. It's kinda sad that Ms. Howard isn't teaching me anymore. She probably would be in my hall of fame of teachers. Well anyway, the finals kind of sucked except for English, which as pretty easy. Then there was lunch. Lunch with these people was pretty crazy; Joe eating ez cheese and Bryan was trying to throw Elizabeth into garbage cans. Man I don't what else to write. It's hard writing and talking on the phone. |
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| boring days give surprises at the end |
[Jan. 21st, 2004|03:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Radiohead - My Iron Lung | ] |
So today it starts: finals. Now I didn't have any luckily, but it's just one more day to procrastinate for tomorrow's finals. At least I have 4 given A's in classes, but the two others are the ones I worry about. Spending 2 hours in classes with occasional talking sucks, since it basically means an empty day. It's the teachers that actually want to get something done when they don't have a final to give are boring. But it was kind of funny in band today, as I couldn't get this damn rythym in a song. I must've played it 15 times at the least. Now after the first 2 tries I had it, but the rest I did for amusement. See I used to be afraid of the guy, but for some reason now I'm not, and did it to get back at him. Then came Spanish class, which was a sheer bore; having no one to talk to except occasionally Bryan. P.E. rounded it off with 2 hours of baseball and football, and it was probably the hardest I worked in that class. Now the end of the day sucked, because I saw one of my friends crying, and tried to talk to her but she wouldn't answer. I'll say that I feel really crappy now, because I don't know if it has to do with me and I just hate seeing my friends cry. Probably one of my worst nightmares. |
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| Finals should die. Kick the finals. Let the finals hit the floor. |
[Jan. 20th, 2004|08:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Radiohead - Creep | ] |
Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, my parents ban me from the b-ball game tonight in light of studying. Like i'm going to study anyway, which is what they don't understand. But I do see their reasoning, in the way that I should be understanding what I'm taught. But hell, my math teacher gave a really stupid point for learning math, when somebody asked him where we were going to use it. He stumbled and replied that we'll use it in higher classes of math. WTF! I thought there were supposed to be "real-world" applications to these sorts of things. But, at least he told the truth, and now I really know that there is no point to learning this aside from math classes and grades. Anyway, supposedly the game is going to be really boring without me, seeing as 4 people called and asked if I was going to be there, and became slightly depressed with my response of "no". I guess I AM the life of the party. That's right. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 19th, 2004|09:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Sinatra | ] |
So, my first entry. I spent the fortunate 3-day weekend in Long Beach; the one in Washington that is. The air over there gives you that good clean feeling, kind of like Orbit gum. Other than that there's a bunch of deli-like shops with a nice smell of food during lunchtime, and of course, the beach. Now the beach was a bit fun, aside from my dad trying to go clam digging. He got a couple, but only the heads, cause he was using a shovel, and since they're too bloody fast that's what you get. So I get back today and elizabeth tells me we have to finish a project for english. Usually im not too freaked out, but it being finals week and thus when both parents have pms, it heatens things up a bit. That being the case i had to vent, and took out a bit on elizabeth. Felt a little bad about it until she made me feel better like she always does. Man it's every time I talk to her about what I'm feeling I get renewed in a way.
\\\\Studying sucks. |
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